a realllly long way of saying sorry

Sorry – it’s been awhile. I seem to be experiencing the opposite of pregnancy brain these last couple of months.

That is, all of these thoughts and ideas and to-do’s come in a flood that keeps me up at night, long after my entire family is fast asleep. Lord, why can’t I just sleep, I ask myself at midnight. And three a.m. And…

Since I couldn’t willingly knock myself out by counting sheep, I started doing what anyone else in my situation would do. I got up and made a nice pot of warm milk and — nahh,  I just sat in bed in despair over my sad predicament and played on my iPhone. After months of adjusting everyone’s sleep schedules, the baby is finally sleeping like a…good baby. And here I am, listening to my entire family snore: the wife, the baby in the crib at the foot of the bed, and the toddler via the baby monitor. It would be funny if I weren’t so tired!

I end up spending an hour of my life that I can’t get back on Facebook. I face-palm myself and go on to peruse the news. More shootings. That should help me sleep.

(All sarcasm aside, what has this world come to?!)

Next, I would Google about neuroscience surrounding postpartum. It seems we as a society  are obsessed with pregnancy symptoms, pregnancy health, pregnancy progress, updates and the like…yet when it comes to postpartum it’s no surprise that we aren’t as interested in the internal workings once the baby is, ahem, outta there. A main reason that postpartum depression is a severely under-discussed topic – but I digress.

I was still wondering if hormones could be the reason I was tempted to start down a Reddit rabbit hole at what is now ::peers at the clock::…holy hell it’s five in the morning. Amy and I need to be up in half an hour to start our respective workout routines: running and yoga. Well, I told myself as I opened yet another browser, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still not tired!

It turns out there is quite a bit of research about pregnancy changing a woman’s brain, for example in this one article which talked about a reduction in brain matter which, curiously, linked to postpartum attachment of a mother to her infant in the sense that more loss equaled higher attachment. Turns out, weaning causes a ton of hormones and some symptoms related to this ‘loss of brain matter’ can be temporary forgetfulness, which actually can self-heal a bit, leading to Alzheimer studies and other things, BUT…

…that’s a realllly long way of saying sorry I’ve been away for awhile.

I’ve been very busy!

 

The good news is that we are settled into our new home and starting the process of spring cleaning which means getting rid of as much clutter as possible. Children come with a lot of STUFF, I am finding out. This stuff falls off of them and litters every square inch of our homes and vehicles and now that it’s nice outside, our yard.

 

Much of our baby stuff is either being sold or been gifted forward or donated to community centers as we outgrow it. Soon, our home will begin to resemble an adult space again (but taking the bad with the good, means admitting it will be sad when there are no longer handprints and baby toys everywhere)! Still, the monstrous baby gates and playpens and walkers and bouncers and bathing seats and the sitter-uppers and the… whew! It’s visually exhausting! We go for grey whenever we can but holy technicolor toddler marketing.

 

Yet another reason it feels like a relief to be officially ‘done’ with baby making. It took us awhile to get here, but at least we didn’t have to try for years for baby number two. I can’t image. I am so ready to be done with diapers but our first is still showing little to no interest in training, with a flippant “not today” when I ask if he’d like to think about sitting on the potty now and then. So I am not about to get excited, and the end is not in sight yet, with Baby #2 not even able to sit upright quite yet.

 

Anyway, I would love to edit this, but it’s getting posted as is. Because what do you know it, they are both awake and this is the second day of trying to post.

 

Have a great one!

 

Mama B

 

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